Christians are straight up FREAKS
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
