So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
