: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
