You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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