i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.