You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night