When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.