just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
