How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
