I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
