I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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