yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
