I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
