It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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