Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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