That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am spending my child support on dildos
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's blow job season.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
