if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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