We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
