so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why do cheetos always look like penises
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize