there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we should paint friendship bongs
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