Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
