I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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