absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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