I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
