I have demons in me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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