omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize