i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping