did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
