dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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