you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
