If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
