When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This toilet bowl is my home.
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