I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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