I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
