Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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