Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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