you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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