Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
