I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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