No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
