I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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