4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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