That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
