The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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