Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
