Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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