Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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