Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
