yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
