I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
