She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
