were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
