I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
