you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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