Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
