I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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