I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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