whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
