I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
