In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i came on her dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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