I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
