So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Houston, we have a blender
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
