I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
