After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
