Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
