And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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